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'What,” Grandma wanted to know, “did you wear to that dinner you were at last night? I’m writing this piece in the hope that anyone reading it who may be caring for a terminally ill friend or relative who is expected to die at home can avoid falling into the same trap.
Mum and I were beside her, and in those last few days she’d been surrounded by friends and family, with life going on all around her. What we didn’t realise was that a single piece of bureaucracy would transform the time in the immediate aftermath of her death from one of private adjustment into a distressing wrangle for which neither of us had the emotional budget.